Ask Coach KFos: Becoming a Ruthless Email Ninja - Kelsey Foster

Ask Coach KFos: Becoming a Ruthless Email Ninja

by Kelsey on June 7, 2013

This Week’s Ask Coach KFos: Becoming a Ruthless Email Ninja

Kelsey Foster Relationship Advice

“I finally mustered up the courage to start online dating. And it’s been fun except, holy smokes, no one told me the amount of email I’d receive! And I’m just a normal-looking relatively attractive woman. The men who send thoughtful and personal messages are in the minority (I respond to them for sure) and there are weird ones that make me cringe…but what do I do with the ones in between? Should I reply to each message? Also, how do you recommend handling the weird ones? Thanks!”

Dear Inbox Overfloweth,

Ah, yes…the joys of online dating and sheer volume of messages women tend to receive. The easy answer is NO, you do not need to reply to every message you get. I know that feels a little rude but consider this. If someone hasn’t taken the time to write you an engaging message specific to your profile to get your attention, you don’t need to take the time to respond. Especially if you’ve taken a look at his profile and know there is no interest on your part.

I bet if you are on any site for any length of time, you’ll receive repeat emails from some guys. In my experience, I had one guy send me the SAME EXACT email seven times in a three month period. Wordy yet vague, complimentary but not specific to me. Clearly this approach has worked at some point. So he keeps copying and pasting then hitting send to countless women no doubt.

My favorite bizarro email? “We should hump sometime.” I. Am. Not. Kidding. Although I did appreciate his more delicate choice of wording than what he could have said. I’m guessing you’ve received similar.

Now, how to handle those crazy ones? Ignoring them generally works just fine. You’ll likely never hear from them again. If someone does get pester-y or totally offensive, most sites have a report and block feature. Use it.

**Here is where I’d like guys to pay attention: Most of the men on dating sites have poorly written profiles AND send lame one-word emails like “Hi.” That’s it.

If you find a lady who seems interesting, take the time to write a personal note. Take notice of something specific in her profile and ask a question or comment on how you have the same hobby, etc. You will stand out above the crowd by taking this little bit of effort. WAY above.

And by the way, short is best, just a few sentences is perfect. Lengthy emails as a first communication seem a little odd or she may assume you’ve done the old copy-n-paste trick.

Happy Sending!

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