Ask Coach KFos: Little Not Country - Kelsey Foster

Ask Coach KFos: Little Not Country

by Kelsey on May 3, 2013

This Week’s Ask Coach KFos: He’s a Little Bit Country, I’m a Little Bit Not.

Kelsey Foster Relationship Advice

“My cousin’s husband set me up with a guy he works with. Super nice guy, divorced, gainfully employed, great dad, etc. We’ve gone out a few times and have fun. Here’s the thing, he’s really into the whole camping/fishing thing (I prefer things like wine tastings) and he likes country music (I like dance/pop). I don’t want to be alone so dating him is nice but I just don’t know if there is enough there for a long-term thing. Thoughts?”

Dear Little Bit Not Country:

I don’t know your situation, but I’m going to take a leap and guess that your last relationship didn’t end well? The reason I am jumping to that conclusion is that you seem to be making up some superficial reasons to not date this guy.

A person’s hobbies and taste in music are not related to his character. You mention him being nice and a great dad. Those are indicators of his character. Would you date him if he was a total jerk and neglected his kid(s) but knew a lot about wine and liked Lady Gaga? I would sure hope not!

I’m wondering if the real issue might be that you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. How much time did you take to get over your last relationship ending? What kind of self-work have you done? Dating without being “whole” is not likely to result in the best outcome. At best, you will second guess yourself…at worst, you will repeat the same patterns from prior relationships.

And it’s natural to want to not be alone and I’m sure you’ve had a bunch of coupled-off people in your life trying to couple you back off again. But don’t date someone just because they are better than being alone! That’s kind of insulting really. Reminds me of a quote:“love when you are ready, not when you are lonely.” Don’t use another person because you need a distraction from your own state of mind, heart, life!

Look, it’s totally possible for two people who have drastically different pastimes and interests to have a wonderful loving relationship. You can find activities to do together and also have things you enjoy separately. The important glue in the relationship has nothing to do with things like camping or Blake Shelton…it’s about character and two people able to give and receive love. Focus on that!

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