Ask Coach KFos: Nowadays, who pays? - Kelsey Foster

Ask Coach KFos: Nowadays, who pays?

by Kelsey on April 3, 2013

This week’s question: Nowadays, who pays?

“Here is my question: When dating in ones freaking forties, who pays? I’m old fashioned and I have to say, the thought of going dutch or being with a guy who doesn’t at least make a grab for the bill on a date would be a huge turn off. Am I the only one stuck in the last century? What’s the norm these days?”

Dear Not-So-Old Fashioned:

This is SUCH a common question. In fact, I have a video interview I did with an etiquette expert that I will be sharing soon on the same topic.

But to answer your question, the majority of people all agree that whoever asks is also the one who pays. This is inclusive of gay, lesbian, and straight daters. And the asker should pay ESPECIALLY on the first few dates.

When it comes specifically to hetero dating, some people believe the man should always pay. Some people believe the man should pay until you are dating exclusively and then it’s okay for the woman to pay some of the time. Both situations are totally fine and just depend on the two individuals and their preferences.

For all couples, some people think if one person makes a disproportionate amount more than the other person, the one with greater wealth should pay (e.g. like a CEO dating a social worker).

So there is no one clear cut answer. However, I do think that for you, the man who is lucky to take you out should pay the first few dates. Even if you are the one who “suggests” the outing (more on that in a future post…but I prefer the guy to be the one who asks).

Check please! xo

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