Ask Coach KFos: Online Dater-Hater - Kelsey Foster

Ask Coach KFos: Online Dater-Hater

by Kelsey on June 14, 2013

This week’s Ask Coach KFos: Is online dating my only option to get dates?

“I’ve been single for a few months now and I’m frustrated that I’m not being asked out more. I sort of envisioned that once I was back on the market, friends and co-workers would be setting me up. I also figured I’d have no trouble meeting men since I have an active social life. I have heard some pretty horrible things about online dating so I haven’t gone that route. Truth be told, it sounds very unappealing. However, I’m beginning to wonder if that’s my only choice if I want to go out on dates?”

Dear Online Dater-Hater:

No, online dating isn’t your only option. However, I think it is one of the best ways to get yourself asked out on some dates. With online dating, you are in a mix of thousands (possibly hundreds of thousands) of people looking to meet other available people.

The reason I like online dating as a solution for someone who wants to date is because it leads to the most dates. If going out on dates is your goal, that is the place to be. The intent is clear from the get-go and in order to meet in real life, a plan (i.e. date) must be made. It’s not without it’s pitfalls, though.

Online dating gets a bad rap for some pretty good reasons. There are some creeps out there who intentionally misrepresent themselves. Whether they are married or hiding a criminal past, a small percentage of members are bad news. And FYI there are women who are creeps on there, too.

Another common scenario is you will come across people who use white lies to misrepresent themselves. These are the folks who post images of themselves 30 pounds lighter or 15 years younger. They also may intentionally embellish a thing or two on their profile.

The most common issue with online dating is meeting the people who unintentionally misrepresent themselves. In their eyes, they are funny, sexy, great cooks, amazing lovers, and “very upbeat, glass-half-full” types. Only you come to realize that their interpretation of who they are doesn’t exactly match up to reality.

It sucks to realize someone you meet isn’t who they say they are. And you absolutely need to use common sense safety measures when meeting a stranger. But if you keep your eyes and ears open, you can pretty easily weed out someone who is not legit, or is simply not a match, without spending too much time or energy on them.

If you *really* don’t want to do online dating, there are other options like Meetup.com, speed dating, and activity clubs for singles. And you can meet some great available people that way.

Another cool new option is the app called LikeBright where you can use Facebook to meet the single friends of your friends.

Here’s the key takeaway: Dating is great fun (or makes for awesome stories). But a date is the tip of the iceberg. Learning who someone truly is happens over time…no matter where or how you meet them.

Be smart, be aware…and also, have fun!

Do you have a question for me? Shoot me an email at kelsey@kelseyfoster.com and you might be featured on an upcoming Ask Coach KFos!

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