Ask Coach KFos: What Counts as Drama? - Kelsey Foster

Ask Coach KFos: What Counts as Drama?

by Kelsey on May 24, 2013

Ask Coach KFos: What really counts as “drama”?

Kelsey Foster Relationship Advice

“My boyfriend and I had a small disagreement. Not a huge fight, just a disagreement where neither of us wanted to compromise right away. I got a little frustrated because he was the one renegotiating our original plans. I told him I was frustrated and he accused me of being “drama”. THAT made me mad! What is your take on what constitutes drama (or not)?”

Dear Save the Drama for your Mama –

NOTHING makes me more annoyed than when someone slaps the “drama” label on a woman expressing her feelings. It has become the go-to insult to describe a woman who might be angry, frustrated, sad, or any other kind of emotion that makes another person (generally a guy) uncomfortable.

It’s become so overused that I know many women who will immediately shut up and repress their feelings and opinions as soon as someone drops the D-word on them.

And that IS NOT COOL. We have every right to express ourselves. And it’s a bullshit tactic that people use to make us feel bad.

Here’s an example of what I think drama is and isn’t.

Response A: (in a relatively calm, yet clearly annoyed, voice) “I’m pretty mad that the plans are now being changed. This makes things more complicated for me now.”


Response B: “You effing idiot! You’ve completely RUINED my weekend! I hate you!” screamed while chucking a coffee mug at his head.

If you picked Response B as drama, good job. Blowing a small thing out of proportion, name calling, and throwing things equals drama. Saying you are angry/frustrated but refraining from hurling insults or coffee mugs is NOT drama.

There is a spectrum of appropriateness when expressing our feelings. However, just because you disagree with someone or tell him that he’s hurt/angered you does not automatically mean you are being “drama”.

So next time he calls you drama, tell him I said to knockittheHELLoff before he gets a mug thrown at his head.

Just kidding.

Sorta. 😉

Do you have a question for me? Shoot me an email at and you might be featured on an upcoming Ask Coach KFos!

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