Only Thin People Deserve Love - Kelsey Foster

Only Thin People Deserve Love

by Kelsey on May 8, 2013

Kelsey Foster relationships and loveHow many times have you thought that? I mean REALLY, I bet at one time or another you thought that thin people are the only ones who deserve love. In a society obsessed with looks, it’s easy to internalize this effed up belief. Here are a few examples of that belief in action:

  • A friend told me about a heavy-set co-worker who was engaged. “She’s totally fat. And if she can find someone to marry her, I guess there is hope for me.”
  • Seeing a short chubby guy with a beautiful woman, “He must be rich” is likely what went through your mind.
  • And how many of us have had the thought “When I am thin/fit I will be so hot, all of my exes will come running back.”

Here’s the thing…we ALL deserve love no matter what we weigh or how we look. Yes, it is true that the more you mirror our society’s standard of attractiveness, the larger your pool of potential mates becomes. However, thinking you aren’t worthy of dating or having a great relationship because you don’t fit that standard is all kinds of wrong.

I will let you in on a little secret…whatever problems with self-esteem, confidence, self-worth you have when you are 10, 20, 50+ pounds overweight will still be there after you drop that weight. Knowing your self-worth has absolutely NOTHING to do with how you look. Hollywood, magazines, and even your friends might try to convince you that confidence, happiness, and love only come to those with flat abs and no back fat…don’t believe ’em.

Getting fit and dropping excess weight is certainly a smart endeavor for myriad reasons. And yes, fitting into a smaller size will boost your confidence. Just don’t fool yourself into believing that it’s the magic cure-all for your insecurities or that you aren’t worthy of love (or hot sex) until you reach that hot-bod goal.

Years ago, I had a former colleague tell me she couldn’t understand why I had such confidence around men being a “big” girl. Funny thing, I was a size 10 and fit as a fiddle, but because I wasn’t a single-digit size, I was “big” in her eyes. As much as I wish I could say I had a snappy comeback (I think I just stared at her, jaw on the floor thinking “what a BITCH”)…this poem by Maya Angelou is what I should have given her.

Phenomenal Woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can’t see.
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
‘Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.


So while you are hitting the gym and measuring your food intake, please take the time to also exercise (or exorcise) your inner beliefs about deserving love. You are worthy of love right now and always…no matter your size.

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