This is me. - Kelsey Foster

This is me.

by Kelsey on April 2, 2013

“Who the heck is SHE to write about dating, relationships, and getting over heartbreak?” If you’ve wondered that question, you aren’t alone. That has ran through my head soooo many times since I made the decision to do this work. It’s part of why I took so long to actually start. Because I knew that if I did follow what my heart has been telling me to do for a long time, I’d have to share my story. I mean, I don’t have a degree in anything related to this kind of work. Just a lot of personal experience. Does that even count?

Yes. It does.

It counts for a lot. You see, as I’ve been working up the courage to dive into this new career, I’ve had to do a lot of thinking about how my experiences qualify me to be able to speak, write, or coach with any authority. What I don’t have in degrees and credentials after my name, I more than make up for with street cred and hours spent at the Hard Knock School of Life.

Would you believe that four years ago, I was a shell of the woman I am today? I had my heart blasted into a million pieces and I had sworn off love FOREVER. NEVER again would I let myself get hurt. NEVER again would I care about someone. I’d be alone but at least I would be safe. That notion lasted for awhile, with a lot of conviction.

But eventually I realized, looking at my sweet innocent kids…is THAT what I wanted to model for them? That LOVE was something scary, to run away from at all costs? No. No, it wasn’t. So I knew I had to start the process of healing myself. Time to bid Bitter Angry Kelsey goodbye and get back to my true nature.

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I didn’t want to repeat the patterns and mistakes of my past relationships. I was the common denominator in this long history of disasters, otherwise known as my love life, so I knew that there were things I needed to change within myself.

Here’s my painful history…I’ve been in a physically abusive relationship. I once briefly got involved with a married man (omg, that is the biggest skeleton in my closet…more on that in future posts). I’ve been lied to. I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count. I stayed with guys who were pretty much losers, because despite my confident appearance, I somehow thought I deserved that level of treatment. I used to joke that I had a “broken picker”. But the reality was that for so many years, I was just so totally desperate to feel loved that I was willing to put up with a shit-ton of bad situations.

I also realized that the GIANT BIG heartbreak four years ago really wasn’t really about him, it was a total culmination of over 20 years of disappointment, disillusion, anger, hurt, and mess (so, um, sorry that I behaved like a lunatic, if you are reading this [you know who you are]; I can actually say it wasn’t about you, it was about me haha). And that I had no other choice but to get right or I was doomed to let history repeat itself.

So I swore off dating, men, flirting, kissing…EVERYTHING related to dating and relationships for over two years. I worked with an AMAZING therapist. I feel like in many ways, I owe her my life. I read every book, blog, and article I could find. I cried. I meditated. I threw things. And slowly, over time, I healed. And love became a wonderful and beautiful word again. I was no longer afraid of it.

And through this process of healing, it became clear to me that I have something to share with others. Maybe, just maybe, by being brave enough to talk about what I’ve gone through I could make things easier for someone else. Now, I don’t proclaim to have all the answers when it comes to dating and relationships, rather, what I do have is a giant heart and a wonderful listening ear. I have been involved with so many different types of relationships that I possess a tremendous amount of empathy. I have a LOT more to write about and share with you all and I’m excited to do so (even though it’s still a little scary).

I appreciate you reading this. Phew. Feels good to come clean and share.

Right now, I’m finishing up my first book titled Adios, Heartbreak. I can’t wait for you to read it! You can pre-order it now 🙂

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